Mischief Not Quite Managed
by ShakNali
Summary: Dr Who/Lord of the Rings cross-over. The Doctor has some unexpected company. The usual disclaimers apply. They don't belong to me and I make no profit from them.
1. Chapter 1

WHO

**Mischief Not Quite Managed**

- 1 -

With its distinctive grating whooshing sound the Tardis landed gently in a small clearing in the woods. A moment later the door opened and the Doctor poked his head out. He looked around cautiously, alert for any trouble, and then, when all seemed quiet, stepped out. His tall frame was dressed in its customary brown suit, long coat and sneakers.

"W-e-l-l," he said, drawing out the word in a satisfied tone. "This looks like a pleasant place. Wonder where it is? The Tardis was rather vague about that." He sniffed the air, turned in a complete circle and then announced, "Much better than attending Jacquie's birthday party anyway." He shuddered at the memory of a very large, very pink cake. " I can have a nice look-round and then be back to pick up Rose. This way, I think." And with that he strode confidently into the woods, never noticing that a wayward branch had prevented the Tardis door from closing completely.

It was peaceful for a while in the clearing until two small figures rushed in, skidding to a stop and panting from running. Their arms seemed to be full, and they kept looking over their shoulders.

"D'you think he saw which way we came?" asked one curly-haired imp.

"I dunno, Pip," replied the other. "Maybe. It's hard to tell with Maggot. If he…" he broke off as he caught sight of the Tardis. "What d'you suppose _that_ is?"

Pippin followed his look and stepped back in surprise. "What's a big, blue -- thing - doing in the middle of the woods? I've never seen it before, have you Merry?"

Merry shook his head and the two approached it carefully.

"Maybe this is what was making that strange noise. Did you hear it a few minutes ago, Pip?"

"No," Pippin replied distractedly, reaching one hand out to touch the side of the box. "I was too busy running to listen. It seems to be made of wood." By unspoken consent, he moved to the left and Merry to the right to circle the box. As he turned the corner, Pippin called excitedly, "Merry! Look! There's an open door!"

Merry knew his cousin well enough to tell what would happen next.

"Pippin!" he cried, racing around the box. "Don't go…."

But of course he was too late. Pippin had already stepped inside. Merry groaned and followed.

2


	2. Chapter 2

- 2 -

- 2 -

A while later the Doctor came strolling back to the clearing. He had a satisfied smile on his face. It had been a lovely walk. The air was refreshingly clean, the scenery picturesque and he'd even indulged in a little nap near a burbling stream. He didn't get a break like this very often and he'd enjoyed every minute of it. Now, however, he really ought to be getting back to 21st century Earth. Rose was already miffed that he'd begged off her mother's birthday party; he'd really be in hot water if he was late coming back for her.

Whistling a happy little tune he'd learned as a boy on Gallifrey, the Doctor unlocked the Tardis, stepped inside - and stopped. Something was wrong, he could feel it in the air. His relaxed attitude vanished and he looked sharply around the control room. Aha! Near the stairs he spotted -- a carrot?? He went to pick it up. Yes, it was definitely a carrot, but how …

"Merry! Come see this!" The Doctor's head snapped up at the voice coming faintly from back in the Tardis. People inside? But how could they have overcome the lock? His mind told him that such people could be dangerous, but the carrot and the laughing tone of the mysterious voice seemed rather harmless.

Thoroughly puzzled, he pulled his sonic screwdriver from his pocket (just in case) and moved silently towards the sounds. And what sounds they were! As he got closer he could hear laughter and exclamations. They seemed to be coming from the wardrobe room.

Carefully, he peeked around the door. The first thing he noticed was a good-sized pile of what looked like more carrots and other raw food resting just inside the door. It took him a moment to spot the intruders, and no wonder. They were quite small, not even 4 feet tall. Both had curly hair, although one was more blond than the other. They were dressed in homespun shirts, vests and knee-length pants and, to his surprise, they were barefoot. As he watched, the brown-haired one held up a coat covered in colorful question-marks. He winced; that had been a much more flamboyant regeneration than his current one. The blond disappeared behind one of the racks and came back out a moment later with a long scarf wrapped around his neck and trailing on the floor behind him. Hands in his pockets, nose in the air, his pretense of unconcerned dignity was marred by the ear-to-ear grin.

"Look, Pip," he exclaimed. "This one's even longer than yours!"

"That's a good one, Merry!" Pip laughed. "You know, I wonder how many people live here to have so many clothes."

The Doctor never could resist a good entrance. He stepped into the middle of the doorway.

"Just one," he said mildly.


	3. Chapter 3

- 3 -

- 3 -

The effect was all he could have wished. With a startled yelp, two faces turned in his direction, mouths and eyes wide open. In an instant both boys vanished among the racks of clothes. The Doctor thought for a moment. He didn't want to play hide-and-seek throughout the Tardis, and if he moved from the door he was pretty sure that was what would happen. So he stood quite still and let them realize he wasn't going to chase them.

"Hello?" he called, careful to keep his tone neutral. "It's alright. You can come out now." Nothing happened. "I won't hurt you." The Doctor sighed. "Olley olley oxen-free!" he called, then smacked his forehead. "You've been hanging around Rose too much," he scolded himself.

But the nonsense seemed to have the desired effect. The two boys - or were they young men? it was hard to tell - shuffled sheepishly out from behind the clothes. They stayed well out of reach and he could see them calculating their chances of escape. He raised his hands to show peaceful intentions and their eyes followed the glowing tip of the sonic screwdriver.

"You're not going to turn us into anything -- unnatural, are you?" one asked hesitantly.

"That's not a staff, Pip," the other corrected before the Doctor could speak.

"But it looks magical," Pip replied. "And this place looks like somewhere old Gandalf would live."

"Well he doesn't look like Gandalf. There's no beard or anything. I think he's an elf!"

"Merry, does he look anything like what old Bilbo said for elves?" Pip replied scornfully. "You must have rocks in your head."

The discussion was rapidly turning into an argument, and from the tones of their voices this was something they did frequently and enjoyed.

The Doctor was amazed. They seemed to have completely forgotten about him and the fact that they were trespassing in _his_ Tardis. He'd better interrupt before things got completely out of control, although he wondered if it wasn't too late already.

"Ahem," he said pointedly, and was rewarded by sudden silence. "I'm the Doctor. Would you mind telling me who you are and how you got into my Tardis?"

"Tardis? What's that?"

"I told you he's a wizard, Pippin. They do magic and this place is definitely magical. Who else would call something a name like that?"

The argument was starting again, and, even as quick-witted as he was, the Doctor was beginning to get a headache trying to keep up with these two. "What are your names?" he asked more loudly.

"I'm Meriodoc Brandybuck," said the blond, "and this…"

"I'm Peregrin Took," the other interrupted, "but most people call me Pippin. And you left the door open."

Merry shook his head reproachfully. "That's a careless thing to do. You don't know what might have wandered in!"

"Yes, so since it was open, well, I just thought I'd take a look. You know, to make sure everything was alright," Pippin explained.

"And I couldn't let him go in by himself!" Merry picked right up. "No telling what might have happened. And then once we were inside we thought we'd just take a tiny look around."

"It's a very interesting place," Pippin informed him, as if he didn't already know. "You know, it's much oh no, here we go again with the "bigger on the inside" remark thought the Doctor smaller on the outside. How did you do that?"

At that the Doctor burst out laughing. Talking with them - or at least listening to them - was both stimulating and amusing. At his laughter they both relaxed a little and smiled back at him.

Merry's stomach chose that moment to growl loudly.

"Time for elevenses," Pippin announced cheerfully. "Where can we build a fire?"

"Fire?" he repeated blankly as they trotted over and began gathering up the pile of food. Really, they changed directions more often than Rose, and she was always off on some tangent. Not that he minded, not with Rose.

"Well, yes, and if you have some water and a pot we can make a nice stew for lunch." Pippin gestured to the vegetables. "And do you have some bread and jam? We could have sandwiches now and the stew for lunch. That would be good, don't you think?"

"You're staying for lunch?" the Doctor asked in surprise, which they seemed to take as an invitation.

"Good," Merry said as they split around the Doctor and headed into the hallway. "So where's the kitchen? This way?"

"No!" the Doctor exclaimed sharply and they looked at him, startled. He didn't want to explain that there were some rooms of the Tardis which were not meant for casual visitors, so he smiled and pointed in the other direction. "The kitchen is this way."


	4. Chapter 4

- 4 -

- 4 -

The Doctor had traveled all over in space and time, but he'd never had a visit quite like this one. His new acquaintances were certainly unique in his wide experience, which he found delightful. Although mischievous and extremely curious, there was no malice in them. Even their frequent arguments were obviously based in deep affection for each other and were conducted with much the same cheerfulness as their conversations.

Many of the rooms in the Tardis reflected certain eras or places which the Doctor had especially enjoyed. The kitchen was one, having the look of an early 19th century French chateau. It was large, decorated accurately, and the place of pride was given to a beautiful fireplace. All the hi-tech conveniences were either hidden away or disguised to fit the ambiance.

"Very nice," said Merry approvingly, laying his vegetables on the table.

"It's a little bigger than we're used to," Pippin added, "but I suppose when you wizards get together you need room."

Seeing another argument about to erupt, the Doctor intervened.

"So, what do you call yourselves?" he asked.

The two lads looked confused. "I'm Pippin and this is Merry," Pippin answered, looking at him worriedly. "Remember?"

"Oh yes," he laughed. "No, what I meant was, what do you call your people? What is your race?"

"Ohhh, I see. We're Hobbits. Some of the Big Folk call us the Small Folk or Halflings, but we call ourselves Hobbits."

"And your home? What do you call it?"

"Don't you know? You don't know where you are?" Merry was astonished. Even if not a wizard, he ought to know _that_. "You're in the Shire. I…"

Whatever he was about to say was lost as Pippin opened a cupboard and jumped back with a surprised gasp when a machine slid out smoothly onto the counter.

"I was looking for a pot for the stew," he explained. "What's this?"

"This" happened to be a food processor and the Doctor proceeded to demonstrate it for the amazed Hobbits. Anything that could quickly and neatly chop food got their approval. They quickly began feeding vegetables into the machine, exclaiming delightedly at the results. The Doctor hastened to grab a pot to hold everything and somehow soon there was a pot of stew cooking over the fire.

"There," Merry said with a satisfied nod. "That'll be ready in a bit. Now about the bread and jam…"

"Try another cupboard," Pippin advised from where he tended the fire.

The Doctor jumped up. "I'll get it," he said, anxious to forestall any further exploration of the Tardis machinery.

Before much time had passed, the three were gathered around the kitchen table eating sandwiches. The Hobbits had been astonished at pre-sliced bread and quite intrigued by peanut butter, which quickly got their rather mumbly vote of approval. In between mouthfuls they cheerfully answered the Doctor's questions about Hobbits and the Shire. Merry seemed content (for the moment) to sit and eat, but every time Pippin got up to check the stew he had to try another button or open another drawer. The Doctor quit trying to hold back and gave in to enjoying his unexpected guests.

Finally, elevenses were done. (How, the Doctor wondered, did such small people eat so much food?) Pippin announced that the stew would be ready in about an hour or so and could they please see some more of the magic smial? Somehow it seemed rather rude to push them out and take off while their food was cooking, so the Doctor led them on a carefully abbreviated tour of the Tardis. He fielded their questions as best he could about the rooms and contents, and slowly worked his way back to the kitchen.

From "The Girl in the Fireplace".


	5. Chapter 5

- 5 -

- 5 -

Now he was faced with a bit of a quandary. He was already late picking up Rose and if they sat down for another meal, who knew when it would end! Rose in a temper was nearly as dangerous as a Dalek. He watched Merry stirring the stew while Pippin looked for yet another cupboard to explore.

"I'm afraid I have to leave," he announced rather abruptly. They turned with identical looks of disappointment.

"But lunch is almost ready!" Merry protested.

"And you tell such good stories…" Pippin coaxed.

He wavered, then said firmly, "No, I really must go. I'm late for … a wizarding convention." ("I told you he was a wizard," Pippin muttered to Merry.) The Doctor rushed on, "I have to confer with the other wizards, umm -- Oz, Dresden, Potter… about, umm, well, wizarding stuff… It's all very technical," he finished lamely, waving a hand vaguely in the air.

Fortunately, that seemed to impress them and they began to gather up the remains of their food. They were both rather subdued, and he hated to leave them like this.

"I know!" he exclaimed and they looked up hopefully. "I'll give you a - - a magic pot so you can take your stew with you. It will keep everything hot until you get home, and then you can keep it as a remembrance of me. How's that?"

"Really? Did'ja hear that, Merry? Our own magic pot!" Pippin perked up immediately.

"Will it cut things up too?" Merry asked hopefully. He had really liked the food processor. The Doctor was not about to get into a dissertation on electrical appliances, so just shook his head.

"No, but if you put something hot in it, it will stay hot for a long time, and if you put something cold in, it will stay cold."

"How does it know which is which?" Merry inquired, looking at the insulated dish respectfully.

"W-e-l-l, that's the magic part," he explained and sighed in relief when they accepted that with nods.

Soon, laden with the "magic pot", two loaves of sliced bread and two large jars of peanut butter, the two Hobbits headed toward the door of the Tardis.

"Thank you for a good time," Merry said sincerely. "It was really nice of you to show us around your magic place."

"You will come and see us next time you're here, won't you?" Pippin added. They looked at him anxiously and the Doctor nodded, patting the pocket where he had put their carefully drawn directions.

There was a moment of hesitation then. The Doctor was surprised to see that they looked genuinely sad at having to leave, and was further surprised at the same feeling in himself. On impulse, he knelt down and gave them each a hug, warmed by their fervent response.

"Next time I'm here, I will come see you," he promised, and was rewarded by two brilliant smiles.

He stood in the doorway and waved as they left, watching until they disappeared. Chuckling, he closed the door on the excited chatter still drifting back through the trees. Time to head out.


	6. Epilogue

- Epilogue -

- Epilogue -

With its distinctive grating whooshing sound the Tardis landed gently in a small clearing in the park near Jacquie's place. A moment later the door opened and the Doctor poked his head out. He looked around cautiously and then, when all seemed quiet, stepped out.

"And just _where_ have you been?" demanded an irate Rose, coming from around the back of the Tardis. "You were supposed to have been here hours ago!"

The Doctor jumped slightly and then smiled at her. "Have I got a story to tell you!" he exclaimed happily, and tucking her arm in his, he led her into the Tardis.

1


End file.
